Me and my Spoons

I’m a spoonie (spoon theory info here if you’re not familiar or need a refresher http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ ). But sometimes I forget about spoon management since my depression and anxiety are so well managed most of the time. But even though they’re well managed, I cannot function like an average able bodied person. I still need to work on balance and taking care of myself.

I’ve been very bad at spoon management lately. I’ve been not taking enough quiet me-time, and as an introvert (albeit a very sociable friendly one), I need at least a little of that to recharge, even if it’s only a bit every few days (though on weekdays I get built in introvert time on my commute). Even time with just one other person is more recharging than what I’ve been doing the last five days.

Thursday night after work, I attended a discussion group. I went to work Friday and had a friend over that evening. I attended my weekly eating disorder recovery meeting and two social gatherings Saturday. I attended one gathering Sunday, and two gatherings Monday. I also didn’t sleep enough Thursday, Saturday, or Sunday nights, and didn’t nap when I had the chance.

I had a fantastic time at all gatherings, but fell into bed emotionally and physically exhausted Monday night. I dreaded going to work the next day, even though the work that awaited me has a far off deadline and isn’t hard. I texted my boss, told him I needed the day. He was concerned and said we need to talk about this when he’s back from vacation next week. He knows my situation, and he’s thinking I need to take better care of myself. I don’t think my job is at risk – at least, not if I turn things around. But I felt guilt for worrying him. I also felt guilty for not being able to earn money on a day like today, since I only make money for hours I work at my current job. But I’m feeling positive this morning, and will make the most of today.

So, here are my plans for today. I think doing them will not use all today’s spoons and will help me replenish those I’ll need to work tomorrow.
– Sleep well – already done. Feeling physically good.
– Eat my 3 planned healthy meals – already had breakfast.
– Walk the dog – just needed to get done. Easy and fun.
– Write my gratitude list on facebook – Easy and helpful.
– Reply to some social emails – these have been making me feel guilty because I keep procrastinating on them, but will be fun to reply to.
– Talk to Grace R. Duncan online – fun and helpful.
– Spend time with my partner when he gets home from work around 5 – fun, bonding, and helpful!
– Stretch goals if I have enough extra spoons – draft cover letters for jobs I’m interested in. Do some small things for my writing career.

Well wishes are appreciated! Feel free to share your own experience with similar stuff in the comments.

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About Sara Testarossa

Sara is a voracious reader who also loves to write. She has been writing stories for all of her adult life, and most of her childhood. She started out writing general fiction, moved on to M/F romance, and wrote M/M romance and erotica almost exclusively for years before writing her first F/F erotic romance. Her focus for many years was fanfiction, but she has gotten back to originals, thanks in no small part to partners’ and friends’ loving encouragement over the years. She also enjoys beta-reading, editing, and recording fiction in audio form. Her hobbies include listening to many types of music, watching sci-fi and action shows and movies, and spending inordinate amounts of time wandering around online. She has a wonderful partner and several furbeasts of the feline and canine variety. Sara’s creative endeavors are often limited by her being a spoonie with a full-time day job to pay the bills – not that writing/editing/recording can’t. That said, she’s extremely passionate about her work as a sex educator and retail worker, which is incredibly fun and rewarding.

Posted on September 2, 2014, in about Sara, Activism, Nonfiction and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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