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Free Fiction Friday 10: Clinic Visit (A House M.D./Fullmetal Alchemist Crossover Fanfiction)

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For week ten of I’m sharing a very short comedic piece. It has sex-related talk but no actual sex or romance. I wrote it for a fanfiction meme that had authors list pairings from several different series, and gave scenarios that mixed and matched the characters from the various series for authors to write crossover drabbles. This drabble was my response to the prompt “Tell us how (Person X) would react to seeing (Person Z) nekkid!” The characters were Dr. Gregory House from the live action TV show House M.D. and Edward Elric from the anime/manga Fullmetal Alchemist. This is a bizarre crossover, but I came up with an interesting concept, I think. It takes place in the House M.D. world. It doesn’t matter how Ed got there from his world for the story to make sense.

Categories and advisories for this story: humor, sex talk, medical procedures, swearing, implied sexual activity

Potentially new/unfamiliar terms: automail: a type of advanced prosthetic limb used in Ed’s world. One of Ed’s legs and one of his arms are replaced by automail.

Disclaimer: House M.D. and its characters were created by Paul AttanasioKatie JacobsDavid Shore, and Bryan Singer, among others. Fullmetal Alchemist, the world, and the characters, were created by Hiromu Arakawa. I made no profit from the writing or posting of this piece.

This is another story from a prolific streak two and a half years ago, so the disclaimer I’ve been using recently about how I’m a better writer now than I was then applies.

I hope you enjoy Clinic Visit, and aren’t upset with me for ending it where I did!

“Hmmmm… those are some interesting prosthetics you’ve got there,” House said, sizing up Ed’s automail, completely ignoring the fact that the younger man was naked and sporting an erection. “Do you have any pain at the connection points? I’d be interested in speaking to your mechanic.” He twirled his cane between long fingers as he leaned against the counter by the sink in the clinic treatment room.


“Damn it, bastard, I’m not here to get you a new leg,” Ed growled. “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve got a hard-on, and it hasn’t gone away in four hours! Some asshole thought it would be funny to sneak a ton of Viagra into my food.”


“Have you tried, oh, I don’t know, jerking off?” House asked in his usual ‘all patients are idiots’ tone. He took in Ed’s visible lack of embarrassment with being nude. He didn’t know why his patient had chosen to forgo the hospital gown that sat on the examination table, but it was certainly amusing.


“You think I haven’t tried that? Chafed my dick raw doing it.” Ed crossed his arms and huffed. “Just help me out, doc. I don’t have all day.”


“Hmmm,” House pretended to think for much longer than he actually needed to formulate a solution. A quick glance at Ed’s cock had been enough to note that it looked painfully red, but he drew out his answer anyway, just for the hell of it. “I think this calls for an alternative treatment.”


Turning away from Ed, who was glaring at him expectantly, House opened a drawer and grabbed a tube. He removed a pair of gloves from the box on the counter and snapped them on before speaking again. “Direct prostate stimulation may just do the trick.”


House smirked and approached Ed, who remained silent, eyes widening in trepidation.


“Now bend over the exam table.”


The End

Yeah, I ended it there – it was supposed to be a drabble, after all. I cracked up while writing it. I’d greatly appreciate feedback, or even demands for me to continue this story… Check back next Friday for another piece!

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